g2g

I'm going to China for 5 weeks starting tmrw. So don't expect any activity from this blog until to end of that time period. g2g now, b4 me parents put my head on a spit.

Off I go, off I go, la di da, la di do.

Truce

I'm telling you now; this post has nothing to do with my recent daily life and concerns a mental process I use to keep myself stoic. You have been warned.

I made a truce-or a pact is more appropriate- with myself several months back, a few weeks after TYS auditions, which, just like All state, I failed (but not enough so that I wouldn't make the cut!). Even though it was less traumatizing, I made a promise with myself: I would keep myself in control. I would put a steel lid on the box containing my bitter anger and petty complaints, and weld it in place, so that I would have to blow torch it to let it back out again. In exchange, I would be able to control my facial expressions (mostly of pain) and bite back my retorts till no one was looking. And at that point I could hide in corner and cry myself out, opening myself to all the trifles and biting remarks that had been said to me over the past weeks, letting them blowtorch my Box of control and letting all of my pathetic tears out, before returning in the morning, empty, mellow, and ready to start the whole process all over again. Never again would I have to listen to my parents complain about my sensitivity when I leave the table, my face a mess. Finally, I found a solution to prevent myself from sitting next to 303 in humiliation, tears dripping down my face as I silently listen to its criticisms about every aspect of my existence that always hit home in some twisted way.
Outside of my box, I also have another shield that prevents anyone from the privilege of adding to my Box. I call it my Shell. It kind of works like a private group on Facebook. I'm the administrator, and anyone I'm already acquainted with is a hacker attempting to get into the group. Of course, the hackers aren't the only ones that can damage my Shell. Ms. O'Rawe bears me no enmity, I believe, nor does she show me much kindness, either. But she as she was the one who delivered the news that I did not make a learning gain for my math EoG's. Even though I handed her the hammer, she's the one responsible for for using it to send finger-like cracks all along my Shell by setting up the pizza party.
My Shell can also be strengthened as well. And you may think I need compliments or a good day/grade, but really I'm strengthened most when I feel normal, when I sm average, and no one is watching me too closely or judging me in any way at all, good or bad. If I could be just one person in an endless sea of faceless students, going about my day in a robotic manner, my Shell would be as tough as a titanium alloy by now. But sadly, life as a student is fraught with constant change and diversity, where people change you and are change by others, and, unfortunately, a place where no one's feelings or judgement can be spared.

Some mothers' day it's been so far.

I'm pretty sure mothers' day does not give your mother the right to change her mind about what you should be doing every five seconds -.-, especially if what you're doing has reason to it. But noooooo, she has to win, she has to get her way, no matter how ludicrous it is. It's the weekend! Just leave me alone. Please. This is the only time I have to myself.

I am terrified of_______

I'll explain later.

1. adults that have any direct authority over me; namely my parents and teachers
2. spiders;the big hairy ones with multiple, beady eyes, especially if seen under a microscope
3. red LEDs in the darkness
4. myself
5. all state sight reading
6. FOUND by Margret Peterson Haddix
7. The Oaken Throne by Robin Jarvis
8. A slow painful death; usually deliberate torturing that involves the removal of essential organs

To the point of immobility.

Now for the explanations:

1. Now I don't know how that one really happened, but my theory is that one of the many painfully embarrassing memories I happened to create in elementary school, probably involving one of my teachers, scarred me for life. That and my mom or dad gave me the chewing out of my life. So now, I am at the point of shying away from any sort of adult that can directly tell me to do something and expect me to obey. I don't enjoy being their vicinity, but the fear of my parents isn't enough to prevent me from being defiant.
2. When I was in sixth grade, I took a microbiology elective, where we spent most of our time using a microscope. At one point in the quarter, someone found and caught a spider. Not a big one, mind you, but sufficiently hairy enough for me to keep my distance till they had it safely trapped between two Petri dishes. When someone had finally got it focused, most of the class crowded around for a look. when I finally found the courage to look into the eyepiece, I found eight shiny, black, and beady eyes placed on the top of something that resembled a brown dust bunny staring at me. Needless to say, I have never looked at a spider the same way again.
3. I've lots of late nights working on the computer of late, and when I've finished, I have to go downstairs to pack my bag for the next morning. Downstairs, there is a TV set with a DVD player that has two led lights positioned side by side. The stair case is is located so that we you prepare to go back up stairs, you see two red dots.....that looks like eyes... that are staring at you...nuff said.
4. This one kind of explains itself, but I'm terrified of ruining myself, whether it's being an idiot or engaging in a yelling match with my mom, point is, I'm going to be my most likely COD.
5. This one is kind of lame, but I've only auditioned once. That one time, I sight-read first, which I suck at. So I failed it. And I knew I was going to get an awful score before I even saw the numbers. I was depressed for a week, and I'm sure my parents were very grateful when I returned to my regular satirical self.
6. I don't remember the details very well, but I remember a bit about a Taser....that and I remember fearing to leave my bed after the darkness sets in.
7. See #6, except change the Taser bit to personified animals being skinned alive.
8. This requires no explantion.

"I have my standards. They may be low, but I have them." ~Bette Midler

The disturbed Night Fury will be returned to it's cell at the mental ward at this time. Thank you for your cooperation.

You know what?

Never mind. I value my life over theirs. The only reason Why I chose the other path originally was because you can't be punished for commiting suicide(but You can be If you don't succeed....)

If I could kill them, I would have years ago.

Title says it all.
I would have years ago, but I can't.
It's so vexing.

I have nothing to say today.

Seriously. Na-hing. Zero. Zilch. Na-da. Goose Eggs. Though how goose eggs relate to the word nothing I question...
so I 'm basically going to fill this page with random stuff.

I got my braces off. (insert Ron's voice from Potter puppet pals here) Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Not really.
My gums feel like I took some chewing gum and stuck it between my real gums and my lips.
On's the bright side (Waitaminute i'm supposed to be pessimistic. How did I find a bright side?)
*cough* Anyway, on the bright side, at least my lips can stay closed naturally now.
Here comes the retainer era! Yaaaaaaaaaaaay! Not.

My friend Sicheng recently got braces. Apparently they hurt. and she HATES them.
See? That's is how much she hates them. They deserve capitalization and italics.
and bold face. and underlining. and...oh wait, that's it.

Ok I'm done.

aoooowwwwwwgh gh gh gh ggh

Sorry about that. It's my frustrated sound effect for the week.

So.
I think I need to ask the Egyptian god Thoth to make five extra days like he did with Nut (go look it up; I ain't explainin'.), because I. NEED. MORE. TIME. Seriously though, I do.

I had a grand total of five hours of sleep last night, including the time I spent TRYING to fall asleep.
Honestly, I don't even know how I made through the day while not losing consciousness. I have homework I don't understand, and Enloe orchestra audition tomorrow which I hadn't time to practice today, and a project due.
I am worried about my homework, partially because I'm asian and it's an I have obligation to finish these things, and partially because I actually DO need to understand this stuff for the test.
I am utterly terrified of failing the audition, partially because of the actual auditioning bit and partially because I 'm afraid of my reaction afterward if I fail (you should have seen me after the All-state audition; I was a wreck for a week.).
I am stressed about my project because not only does my grade hang in the balance, but so does my partner's, whom which will be holding me accountable for doing my share of the work. Not to mention the coals I'll be raked over if my parents knew I had any intention of turning it in a day late.

So, that's all I'm worried about at the current time. I'm sure more will come to me later, after I'm out of this stress cloud.

"Deep down, I'm pretty superficial." ~Ava Gardener

The disturbed Night Fury will be returned to it's mental ward at this time. Thank you for your cooperation.

Hunger games (yeah that's right, I'm following that trend)

...
So I watched the movie (if you're hoping for spoilers, go away right now cause they ain't gonna show up)
It was good, but the first muttation made me spray popcorn on my shirt.
Oh yes, and the injured/burned flesh recreations were good.
Disgusting and disturbing, but very realistic.
and the depiction of the inhabitants of the Capitol:
Wicked :D

Apparently loads of people are complaining about how Rue is black.
wth!?

You fricking cried over her in the book and now you're complaining the movie didn't do the thing properly?! Seriously?

I get that Katniss kept comparing her to Prim, but that doesn't mean they have to look alike.
They were both young, vulnerable (Prim more that Rue), named after plants(hehe), and they were both pure of heart. I don't think that has much to do with ethnicity, now does it? That's what hurt Katniss so much after Rue was injured (cough cough), becuase she felt like she had failed her sister.

I actually imagined that Rue would be African American when I was reading it
BEFORE anyone was casted for the movie.
Just to give you some perspective, Amandla Stenberg haters.

Oh yes, to anyone who has seen this blog more than once, I am now a distubed Night fury.
That right. A mentally disturbed Night Fury.

What would you do with your share of the Mega-million jackpot if you'd won?

Oh yeas and:
Something We Asians Got
That does not mean I'm asian.
just wanted to see an interesting reaction.
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base" ~Dave Barry

numbered

• The title inadequately describes this post.
• It should be bulleted
• But I'm too lazy to change it
• O woe is me
• ....
• I'm interested in the Tiger's Curse series
• And to any of you who know me
• don't look that up
• it will ruin my reputation forever
• Because it's so similar to the twilight saga it's ridiculous
• except the third book
• it only has three books so far
• I am waiting feverently for the foruth one along with countless others
• that are too cheap to buy it and have to wait for their local library to get a copy
• ...
• This is why i only have 3 followers on this thing.
• ....
• I should be working on a LA project right now
• it's fun b/c it involves music
• I'm an Owl city fan
• sort of
• only because you have to think to understand the meaning
• unlike songs that make no sense
• *coughpokerfacecough*
• or songs that are too easy to understand
• *coughfridaynightcough*
• .....
• Here's a nice message on harry potter from H-E-double-hockey-sticks itself!
• remember to read the author's note
• ........
• ok I'm done
• "I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not." ~Fran Lebowitz
• Cami Cazi over and out